See to it, brothers, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness.
I realized this week that I was turning worldly. Most friends in the World still see me as a profoundly "good person", but a disciple knows what kind of sensors to equip his control system with...
Why do I think that? There are a couple factors:
- shorter quiet times, skipped quiet times in the morning that are "caught up" later in the day
- slow to open up and confess sins
- a lot of thought on money, work, getting married
- living for work
- poor relationships with brothers and sisters
- little evangelism (if you know me, you know that apologetics is almost my middle name...)
- short temper
- lower discipline in personal life and work
- feeling that my life is a burden
- lots of emotional instability
I have been reading the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5-7) and couldn't help to notice that I wasn't thirsty and hungry for righteousness at that moment. That was the wake-up point.
"So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
In other words:
Don't live for your job, don't think so much on how better your life would be in Canada, and don't despair because you're not getting married, because its spiritually ignorant people who focus on such things. God has a plan for you, just trust Him. Start repenting, trusting Him and living for Him, and you'll see it unfold. Now, stop dreaming about how better tomorrow could be, and do the most out of today you can.
I remember rebuking brothers for the same kind of stuff. Yet I end up in the same spot. God is gracious and we'll get out of this mess together. I need to surrender, especially on marriage. I did commit not to seek it actively during my time in India, and God made sure that I would stick to that, whether I liked it or not. 6 months down the road, I'm not liking it. Who said that maturity came easily?
The good part is that I did wake up at some point.
I know, deep down, that this is another challenge of surrender, and that I'll be pruned and more able to help my fellow brothers. And more humble too, which is still not natural to me.
Praying for me is a good idea, hint hint :)